doubt

5 things to do when you don’t know what to do next

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[From the FXYWLF blog archives]

So, I’m at home sitting at my desk – its 10pm – and this is being written at a time where I just finalizing round 1 of my 22-day course called Magical Rituals: Radical Magic Level 2 - and I’m trying to figure out what I'm going to do next.

I guess you can say that I’m having a bit of a “mini” creativity crisis. This isn’t like the full-on life-crisis that I had in 2010, where my entire life was rearranged, I quit my “city” job and moved to the country so that I could dive deep into my pursuit to experience massive spiritual growth (which was one of the best decision of my life). 

And now…. It’s just I'm feeling a bit like I'm stuck in molasses and therefore feeling out of whack.

After finishing up writing a large extra lesson on mystical super powers (which took days btw, for the participants of Magical Rituals: Radical Magic Level 2,) spending quality time being attentive to my hubby and my children, as well as wrapping up my duties around the house and then finally finding and taking the time to relax...

I found myself asking the classic existential contemplation, where I still feel unsure from time to time on what it all means and how everything is all going to turn out. You know, sometimes, thats exactly why we must soul-search, explore, analyze, intuit and discover — for ourselves — to discover what it all “means”

We have to redefine, reinvent, and reevaluate what we want and find what life means FOR US. That’s what I’m all about – helping you accomplish the things you want for your life - because I inherently believe it is possible for you — to create a life you will love. I do it for myself, and you can too.

Since I am not able to answer all the mysteries of the universe for my future, over one homemade cappuccino, I decided to instead take some time to myself.

This may have included: A series of movies on Netflix (as I’ve been catching up on movies and series that I haven’t seen and I’m really picky), a ginormous green salad for dinner, lots of chai latte’s, one bubble bath and a deep conditioning treatment (made from anything in my kitchen that seemed remotely conditioning - like avocado and olive oil (ps: my hair feels great today).

Life is infinitely confusing at times, kids, but here is what I know: Complicated times move us further along on our path, it’s the ebb makes us ready for the flow. Messy and confused times teach us who we are. They force us to make changes and make hard decisions concerning what we want out of life. They make us learn to function more productively world and with the people in it. In my experience, when things fall apart, they fall back together better. 

I don’t have the answer to my question this very moment. But I know that I am going to have it soon.

HERE ARE 5 THINGS I TRY TO DO WHEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT:

1.) Accept discomfort, be honest with yourself and lay it all out there.

Be willing to tell yourself the truth.

  • Is what you’ve been doing what you really want to be doing?

  • How do you really want to feel, does this help with that?

  • Does it take you where you want to go - is this what you really want, everything considered?

  • Is the area you are putting your efforts in impacting what is most important to you?

  • When you look back, will you be proud of who you are right now?

I know I just got deep – but we can’t go anywhere if we can’t be honest with ourselves about where we want to go. So, ask yourself, “What do I really want?” “What do I really love to do?” “What will move me in the direction I want to go?” etc.

By accepting your emotions, you are “accepting the truth of your situation. This means you don’t have to spend your energy pushing the emotion away. Learning to accept an emotion gives you an opportunity to learn about it, become familiar with it and get better skilled at its management.

Experiencing negative emotions is annoying, but not dangerous – and eventually much less of a drag than continually avoiding them. Accepting a negative emotion causes it to lose its destructive power. Accepting an emotion allows it to run its course while you run yours.

DON’T FILTER YOURSELF. BE REAL. GET TO KNOW YOURSELF.

2.) Get it out and vent.

Either with a friend or to a trusty journal. Sometimes you don’t even know what it is that you are feeling until it shows up on paper, or you hear it come out of your mouth. I’ve found some great success in finding journaling prompts on pinterest for figuring things out and opening up the communication with my subconscious.

You can even dig deep by asking yourself the following questions…

  1. What do I really want?

  2. What am I no longer willing to accept?

  3. What makes me happy?

  4. Are my current habits enabling me to live the life that I want?

  5. How can I add value to this world?

3.) Enjoy yourself, be confident, get inspired and just feel good about where you are right now.

This will be on every how-to list I ever write. We must do things we love every day. Life is too short to not incorporate joy into every single day. Abraham Hicks says to spend your attention like you would spend your money wisely, because what you spend it on you get!

So many of us don’t go chasing what we truly want in life because we feel that we’re not good enough. Self-doubt creeps in and it stops us from taking action. But as hard as it is, you’ve got to rise above it and be better. Know your value. Change your negative thoughts to positive thoughts.

And I know, this is easier said than done when you’re lost in a constant loop of negativity, but good things take time. It takes time and effort to rewire your brain to be more optimistic and confident.

And to learn to be confident, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it.

Get inspired by someone who is doing what you want to be doing. Find someone who has done what want to do. If you’re struggling to figure out what steps to take to get to where you want to do, find someone who has already been there.

The great thing about the world today is that anything you might want to do has already been done by someone else.

4.) Give yourself and creativity some time, don’t over-analyze (like at all) and accept that you cant control it all, especially the future!

We obsess too much over stability and security. The modern life has taught us that we should always know where we’re going, what we’re doing, and we should always have a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D, and more.

As great as it is to be prepared, all this preparation has traumatized us against the possibility of the unknown. We are so afraid of choices with no clear results that we would rather not make any choices at all. It’s time to accept. Accept that life is uncertain and the future is unsure. Once you have accepted that, you can focus on taking meaningful action to create a life you love.

Your future is determined by all the little actions you do every day. If we chase our dreams, do what we want to do, and don’t stray off the paths we choose, then there’s no reason why you won’t reach the destination you’re looking for.

While you will never be able to predict the future, you can do your best to get the future you want.

All you need to know is when the time comes, the answers will come to you. Always and every time.

I have gone as far as to give myself zero permission to analyze a problem and focus on “the details”. It’s amazing how much perspective you have when you have given yourself a little TIME, FREEDOM and PEACE. The same goes for relieving your mind from all that thinking.

5.) Relax, take care of yourself, make plans and say yes.

Live in the present moment and take action now. I think the avocado-olive-oil-hair-care example above explains it all. You will figure it out. If you try to, you find that – you really can let yourself relax. And not to go parental on you, but exercise, sleep, and healthy eating improve brain function. You are going to need your brain to work fully to figure out your life-crisis.

Not to say you need to think hard here, but it is important to make an action plan and set your goals. Don’t just rely on your brain to remember your goals. Physically write down each goal, no matter how small it is. Putting a line through your goal will give you the motivation to keep going.

Once you figure out what to do about your mini-crisis MAKE A PLAN! Spontaneous moments are tons of fun, but I always say, “If you don’t have a plan, you might not like how things turn out.” 

Try this for long term goals:

  • Write down where it is you want to be in X amount of time and make steps going back-wards.

  • Assign deadlines to the steps and move forward. For daily goals, write down what it is that you hope to incorporate into your life, read each day, view and alter it as needed. 

You’re not going to achieve your big goals in a day. You need to write out individual steps to get there. Cross them off as you complete them to give you more motivation.

There’s only one thing you have control over: the present moment. Yet so many of us spend our days lost in the regrets of the past or worries about the future. If you can relate to this, then no wonder you feel lost. You can’t create a life you love if you’re not focusing on your actions in the present moment. It’s only by focusing on what you can do right now that you’ll be able to find yourself and work towards creating a life that’s meaningful and purposeful.

Opportunities are always out there—you just have to say yes. Even if the opportunity seems completely unrelated to what you want to do with your life, it never hurts to say yes. Because experiences stack up and learning never stops—everything you do and interact with becomes a part of you.

When deciding what to do with your life, the first thing you need to learn is how to make the choice. At the end of the day, you want to look back on your life knowing that you made choices, rather than sat at home fearing them.

When it comes to aligning with your souls message, remembering why you are here, connecting with your higher self / shadow self, choosing to make some awesome shit happen and allowing the universe to help bring you everything you desire... Magical Rituals: Radical Magic is the place to be. It is not like anything else I have seen.

Remember: You’ll have the course and all updates for life. Take this at the pace that feels best for you. And trust yourself. I love you.

Now go, get your life on track.

Love, 
Tara xo

If this resonates with you, I suggest you join my newsletter list by entering your email in the forms on this site so we can stay in touch.

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how to get rid of self-doubt for good

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I have something to share with you today.

Did you know… that recently I realized that I appear to have a lot of controversial beliefs. I suppose I’m not shocked. Many of the things I teach about soulful magic and manifesting, are wildly contrary to what the other ‘experts’ say.

In line with this, today we are talking about self-doubt. Which is something that I have been emailed about A LOT. So this is going to be just a small riff on one of the most important underlying lessons that I teach (in my Magical Rituals course). These lessons are some of the most powerful trainings about real spirituality, manifesting, magic and metaphysics that I have ever created.

Which brings me back to clearing all of the funky energy around self-doubt.

Here is the thing: Self-doubt is not good or bad. Self-doubt is a sign that you need to pay attention to something within you (and your mind / thinking process / beliefs) that is currently off and not aligned with your desire - and your higher-self’s opinion of the truth.

When you stop making it a “bad thing” that you feel any doubt at all on things that you’re now wish and desire to do, you can take the pressure off. When we put a major emphasis on self-doubt, the fear, anxiety, dread, worry, pity and shame all come flooding in, and add up, causing you to feel ‘buried’.

Listen to me: Self-doubt in itself does not have that much power over you or your life. It only has the power that you give it. Like fear. Hear me out. It doesn’t have to mean anything at all about you, your worth, your value, your future successes - that you have doubt.

Many people with self-doubt are afraid to stand out, live authentically, be adventurous, or enjoy their life - and they are always pausing themselves. People with self-doubt feel that they are not allowed to live a happy life … and that is technically true, because this permeating doubt that is stopping you from being feeling joy around creating a life you deserve, needs to gets tackled first.

I’ve seen women sabotage their dreams because they were focusing only on reasons why they doubt themselves and their abilities to the point that they had delayed achieving their dreams and goals - to a point of now having no energy to enjoy what was even coming in. From there, they felt little motivation to continue to dream, create, receive, and attract what they want most of all. It snuffed out their inner fire.

Here is how I silenced my self-doubt... I decided not to effing worry about it. I did the practical and spiritual work around my inner self and inner world. I also am very intentional about becoming a vibrational match for all the things I desire. Because of this inner alignment work, I experience crazy amounts of synchronicities and signs (and getting what I want), and I still am not really worrying a lot anymore about the self-doubt I previously had.

I stopped making it a big deal anymore.

I wasn’t ignoring my doubt. I was very aware of how much doubt I had in my mind, and how much that took over all of my precious magnetic thought power.

I believe in being intimate with your thoughts, as they are the seeds of your manifested experiences to come. I just wasn’t making my doubt mean anything.

You can use this method for ANYTHING that you don’t want in your life.

Passion for my goals and mission, gratitude for everything that I already have, joy and abundance were my desires. So, I started to allow myself to create my life in line with those desires.

While I sometimes felt guilty around having negative thoughts and self-doubt, and believed I was “supposed to” be “realistic”, my true desire was to master myself and create consciously, make a lot of what I want happen, learn how to be self-employed, soon begin to travel the world, and then purchase all the things I wanted with all that extra prosperity and abundance. Eventually, I really wanted something so different, that I naturally got bored of the all of the doubt - and I really wanted to have the experience of having more cosmic magic in the bank - so to speak.

Through the energy of me desiring having a surplus of synchronicities that align with my desires and me getting them and around me actually going after my dreams and goals - my doubt was gone within six months and has been replaced with faith and certainty just as fast. The thing is, all my doubt and limited thinking has now been pulled out by the roots, because nothing in me has room for this kind of questioning myself anymore. I can’t even believe or imagine having it and wasting my time with it anymore. My now energetic standards around my creating the life of my dreams vs. doubt, are a lot like the emoji of the blonde girl with her arms crossed into an X.

🙅

To be clear, as I focused strongly on my desire to connect to my higher-self and understand my shadow self 10000%, create an overflow of synchronicities, definitely more than enough to be grateful for, and the doubt became irrelevant. 

I began to experience more synchronicities than I knew what to do with, so I obviously cut cords with doubt. And because I had made a clear decision that doubt no longer had a place in my life, it never came back. I didn’t focus on doubt, I focused on faith. I focused on feeling like more than enough. I focused on believing in myself so much more than I previously thought possible, that self-doubt was naturally removed from my life.

When you focus on that feeling of inner doubt, you put a lot of pressure on yourself and your logical mind - and you focus a lot of energy on something that you don’t even want. So it’s not shocking that self-doubt often increases and multiplies in this very same energetic state (of more doubt!). And then you want to do something else and happen that brings about the same amount of doubt right back again.

This is the natural amount of doubt that you are currently an energetic match for that is hanging around in your subconscious. You have an availability including an energetic minimum and maximum around everything in life - including faith. And right now your availability for allowing any self-doubt to take over, may not serving you. But this can change. 

If you ever feel led to dig in, clear, and create good things in transforming your own inner experience, I can’t wait to see you on the inside of my course on mastering your magic called Magical Rituals: Radical Magic. You can get the full course on revolutionizing your relationship with magic and the universe here. This is all very exciting. I love you.

Love,
Tara xo

If this resonates with you, I suggest you join my newsletter list by entering your email in the forms on this site so we can stay in touch.

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the misery of self-doubt

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Having self-doubt around your magic or “magic” in general, can feel like travelling around the world in quick-sand, or as though you are forever wearing a useless weight around your neck. 

The source of the heavy, resistant burdensome feeling of self-doubt could be nothing in particular… Maybe it’s just our collective society's general scorn and aversion for magic, or perhaps its due to past actions gone wrong in the present affecting you from moving forward. 

Either way the self-doubt just stays and hangs there. Weighing you down. Keeping you stuck. Killing your mojo… Of course, when you have the dead weight of self-doubt hanging upon you - it's hard not to despair, be depressed and continuously feel like a royal fuck up.

So how do you lift the killer curse of self-doubt? 

A simple method that I recommend to all my clients is to keep a Magical Diary to track their magic.

In your Magical Diary, you record all of the details relating to your magic: synchronicities, insights, feelings, dreams, magic workings, astrology, rituals, mantras, repeating numbers and symbols - right after they happen or you do them - and then in subsequent days, weeks, months you then record the synchronicities you notice that appear to be signs of your intended and desired outcome arriving in the world. These signs are obvious because you as if by magic experience what you want in your life on purpose. Especially if you are doing actual magic.

Keeping a Magical Diary is a powerful practice for the same reason that keeping a Dream Diary is a powerful practice. It's powerful because our conscious, rational minds find it very, very easy to delay, dismiss and forget any meaning or magic at all… Just like the mind finds it very easy to dismiss and forget dreams. Just like how you probably don't remember your dreams when you wake up unless you make an effort to recall them and to write them down... Its common for us to react to our dreams like they are unimportant. The same thing with meaningful experiences.

You also won't remember the precise signs, synchronicities, actions and results of your magic, unless you write them down.

The practicality of the Magical Diary can generally be broken down into two important realms….

1. In the present where the act of writing the diary helps expand on, interrogate and integrate any insights, guidance and ideas which occur throughout the day/night.

2. In the future where the Magical Diary can provide as a valuable resource for your review, contemplation, past practices/divine messages/guidance/magical and ritual workings, the results of those practices and useful insights into your past self, and seeing how far you have come.

Once you've been keeping a Magical Diary for at least a few months, it becomes relatively easy to lift the self-perceived curse of your self-doubt, because you can go back, read, review and discover exactly the evidence that you are always guided and what you did to influence exactly what you wanted to experience as real outcomes in your life. Meaning you get to see what worked for you and what didn’t.

I wouldn't worry too much about making your journal magical, instead make your life magic and then document it in the journal as proof. Keep it up and you will find your notes inside rather illuminating years later. Over time, the efficacy of your magic power gradually becomes more and more difficult to deny just like when you write down an eye opening dream you had, that becomes impossible to deny too. ;)

Because of your efforts, the curse of doubt lifts, and you're now much more confident in the reality and usefulness of your own magical power and prowess. Enjoy the journey and if you persist in keeping up with this, you will eventually pass the veil which you can never return from.

If you know you want some extra love and hand-holding as we overcome the dark nights of the soul, you can learn more here and enroll.

Love,
Tara xo

If this resonates with you, I suggest you join my newsletter list by entering your email in the forms on this site so we can stay in touch.

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